Friday, March 20, 2026

The Shtibl and the Cathedral - My Portnoy Complaints

This series of posts refers to an article written by Jonathan Jones in The Guardian.

The original article can be found here: 

https://www.theguardian.com/artanddesign/jonathanjonesblog/2015/sep/11/jonathan-jones-ive-read-terry-pratchett-now-its-more-entertainment-than-art

The truth is that I wanted to write a series of posts about the book Small Gods for some time now; Jonathan Jones's article is just an excuse. Perhaps "excuse" is not the right word. Perhaps the right words are "a way in". Jones' article showed me what people don't understand about Pratchett. Jones thinks that Small Gods contains 'clever wordplay', or in other words, that the book is a more or less random collection of jokes, with a more or less shared theme.

I don't know why Jones chose to compare Small Gods specifically to the novel Portnoy's Complaint by Philip Roth. But I thought about this for a while, and I think I can try to speculate. In my humble opinion, Jones sees these two books as 'comic novels written about religious matters by people who are atheists'. And if so, when Jones compares the two, he concludes that: 'Pratchett tells jokes' while 'Roth says something meaningful about real life'.

I personally think that both tell jokes, and both also say something meaningful about real life. In my opinion, what Pratchett says is incomparably more dynamic, diverse, and sophisticated than what Roth says. If in Jones's view, Roth manages to create some structure of real life—let's say the structure of a Shtibl (a small prayer house) - then Pratchett is completely flat, perhaps comparable to a carpet. But in my opinion, Roth can still be compared to a Shtibl, but Pratchett should then be compared to a cathedral with a rich heritage - say, the Sagrada Familia.

In my opinion, it is not difficult to see the richness of the structure in Pratchett's novel, if the reader is open to the possibility that such richness exists. In other words, the reader can only find a rich structure if they believe such a structure actually exists. Jones does not think it exists, and therefore he did not find it. I and many other readers, believe it does exist, and therefore we found it.

I intend to write a series of six posts: one will be dedicated to my opinion about the novel Portnoy's Complaint, and five posts will be dedicated to various aspects of the novel Small Gods and will explain part of its structure. Naturally, this post will contain spoilers for Portnoy's Complaint, and the following posts will contain spoilers for Small Gods. Nevertheless, I am convinced that I will leave most of the beautiful parts of Small Gods in their place, and they will only be aparent upon reading the novel itself.

And now we move on to the work of this post: My Portnoy Complaints.

First Complaint: Roth's 'Unique Language'

I obviously read the book from start to finish, and I would not have done so if not for Jones' article. The book is not without value, and I should therefore thank Jones for the experience. Thank you.

The book, on the other hand, and probably Roth himself, is very misogynistic and racist. The reading was unpleasant, and the book could be dismissed on this basis alone, but that would be too easy, and therefore I will not do it.

In his article, Jones argues that: "You cannot say: 'Pratchett writes really ordinary prose yet is a literary genius.'" and by implication, Pratchett's prose is ordinary, while Roth's prose is special. I will discuss Pratchett's prose in the next post, but in this post I want to first argue that Roth's prose is not that special.

The novel Portnoy's Complaint is a first-person novel. The book's protagonist, Alex Portnoy, speaks with his psychologist. One of the jokes is that at the very end of the book the psychologist answers something like: So [said the doctor]. Now vee may perhaps to begin. Yes?. That's funny. To an extent.

The novel was published in 1969, and the time of the monologue's occurrence is 1966. It is written in the style of Jewish American English from New York (in our case, New Jersey). In this sense, the language of the novel is not unique at all; on the contrary, it belongs to the genre of films and books such as: Fiddler on the Roof, The Chosen by Chaim Potok, and of course Woody Allen, Larry David, and Jerry Seinfeld also wrote in this genre. In my opinion, even though the novel is a relatively early manifestation of the genre, it does not innovate, and its prose is in no way unique within the genre.

The specific kind of Oedipus complex that the novel's protagonist has is also present in the protagonist of the film New York Stories, but in my opinion, in the film we see a funnier manifestation of the phenomenon, which also contains greater compassion for the mother figure.

Second Complaint: Scope

Roth reveals a nice variety of characters in the novel. First and foremost, himself, but also his parents, his sister, his Uncle Haymie, his aunt, his cousin who was killed in the war, and a variety of girls the protagonist had along the way, and that's about it.

But there is something limited and limiting in such a description when it is done in the first person. We know what the protagonist thinks of his mother, and to some extent, what she thinks of him. I am convinced that if the mother figure spoke in her own voice, we would receive a richer and more interesting report about the protagonist. The same can be said about the father figure. We can speculate about the relationship between the father and the mother, but those are distant echoes. We have no idea about the relationships between the sister and the mother, or the sister and the father. Or between the father and the uncle, etc.

Despite the claim that the series Seinfeld is 'a show about nothing', it deals with a relatively wide range of topics from the lives of bachelors in New York: parking, Chinese restaurants, trips to Los Angeles, and of course, dates. Not all the characters in the series are Jewish, and that is perhaps part of the great popularity the series enjoyed, and still enjoys.

In contrast, the episode 'The Pen' (Season 3 Episode 3) is an exceptional episode in the series, as it is the only episode in which the character of George Costanza does not appear, and one of two episodes in which the character of Kramer does not appear. The plot of the episode takes place in Florida at Seinfeld's parents' home, and within a short sitcom episode, it manages to show us to a whole world of interactions between the characters of the retirement home.

Third Complaint: The People Who Dwell in Zion

In the novel, Roth describes the lives of Jews in the New York area in the fifties and sixties, with a few childhood memories from the forties. In those years, Jews sought recognition and suffered from discrimination in many real ways.

Towards the end of the second chapter, the following quote appears: 

"Doctor Spielvogel, this is my life, my only life, and I’m living it in the middle of a Jewish joke! I am the son in the Jewish joke—only it ain’t no joke! Please, who crippled us like this? Who made us so morbid and hysterical and weak?"

Towards the end of the novel, Alex Portnoy visits Israel. This is Israel before the Six-Day War, and does not include the Old City of Jerusalem, or the Golan, or Judea and Samaria. Alex Portnoy has an unsuccessful encounter with a female soldier, and then an unsuccessful encounter with a kibbutz member.

Towards the end of the last chapter, the following quote appears: 

"inherently the system in which I participate (and voluntarily, that is crucial too—voluntarily!), that that system is humane and just.

This is the kibbutz member's claim to Portnoy, and Portnoy has no answer to this claim, nor to all of her other claims.

We have a Jew living in the Diaspora (in exile?) and living through all the complexes of that way of existence, and convinced that Jewish life in Israel is free of these complexes. Mr. Roth gives up in advance on the wish to tell me, a Jew living in Israel, anything whatsoever about the Jewish existence here. Except perhaps: "You are perfect. Keep it up."

I am convinced that even Mr. Jones does not think a message like this is 'great literature'.

And just as Mr. Jones recommended another book instead of Small Gods, I will also recommend a book instead of Portnoy's Complaint. The novel Et Hazamir (the time trimming) by Haim Be'er also describes a Shtibl, but a Shtibl within Israel. A Shtibl that changed greatly in 1967. Haim Beer shows us this change, and thus the novel may speak to us to this very day! (sadly it was never translated).

Tuesday, April 8, 2025

How I Got to Translating Sir Terry Pratchett

terry pratchett and the true Mythology of Great Britain

An older version of Gemini painting Sir Terry Pratchett


I always wanted to translate Terry Pratchett.

I mean, I got to know him somewhere in the early 1990s, and even then I wanted to translate his works. However, then I didn't know that I knew how.

In 2007 I opened Drop of Light Press, and again I wanted to translate his works, but I didn't dare.

In 2011, I tried for the first time, still got that file somewhere.

In 2021, I saw no one was doing it, so I talked to the guys who had the options, but it didn't work out.

So now, finally, after months of negotiations and preparations I'm going to publish Small Gods in Hebrew during the second half of this year.

Please help me with the Crowd sourcing:

https://headstart.co.il/project/81390

The cover image By Taly Reznik

Saturday, March 1, 2025

Goliath Song by Poogy


This is the original Hebrew clip. I tried to match the tune


The current situation has moved me to translate this song.

Also, it came out 50 years ago (less three months).


Goliath 

Lyrics: Danny Sanderson and Alon Oleartchik

Tune: Danny Sanderson


It's a sad and pointed tale

Subject that might make you wail,

If you put a band-aid, 

It still hurts you like a heat lamp.

This story's protagonist

Has a name that must be missed,

Let us only say that is sounds

Vaguely like a cramp.


Spring day on the village green

Birds are singing strong and mean,

Ant goes by so clever

But the tune just stays forever.

In the yard a baby's born

And starts shouting full of scorn:

"Name is not a cramp,

It is Goliath right as ever!"


All of The Bible had to fear his mighty rage,

All the heroes ran to home,

And all the fighters forged their age,

And they called him "The Elephant of Ascalon".


When he was two he said hello,

Kids were running to and fro,

He was only five when 

he was bringing home a boulder.

Every day he went and smiled

Bothering animals in the wild,

Voice was lower than the dead sea

By a head and shoulder.


Gemini's interpretation of the situation


All of The Bible had to fear this mighty brute,

All the heroes ran to home,

And all the fighters played the flute,

And they called him but only from a distance.


Here he comes to us, comes to us,

Mighty Goliat,

Let us hope he does not step on us 

with all his mighty might.

Here he comes to us, comes to us,

Mighty Goliat,

Let us hope he does not step,

Make me a puddle good and right.


David who was not yet king

Went out strolling with a zing,

From afar he saw a crowd

That wildly cried "please help us!"

Thinking not more than a day

He came with all his mighty sway,

Only camels and a goat kid

Ever heard him cuss.


"Come to me Goliat the nice,

I will make you pay the price."

"Is this how you talk?"

Had asked Goliat in Ascalonian.

Anger caught then David King:

"Let us let the slingshot sing!"

Then he slung the sling,

Hitting him right there smack in the forehead.


All of The Bible had to say their hearty thanks,

"If you want to be our king,

Call us at six, to join our ranks."

And from then on you never heard them say:


Here he comes to us, comes to us,

Mighty Goliat,

Let us hope he does not step on us 

with all his mighty might.

Here he comes to us, comes to us,

Mighty Goliat,

Let us hope he does not step,

Make me a puddle good and right.


Let us hope he doesn't step on me,

Let us hope he does not jump on me,

Here he comes to us Goliat.


Starcaft Goliath


Wednesday, November 27, 2024

Let the Sunshine In

 


Not many posts in this blog (yet), and already so much talk about Nahariya.

So much talk about Nahariya, and I didn't even say one of the most important things about it.

So Nahariya's main street is called the Ga'aton street, and it follows the Ga'aton river all the way down to the shore. Even now, the river is mostly dry, it flows nicely for maybe a month or two a year.

So as I was walking this morning, the first morning of the ceasefire, down the Ga'aton street the weather was turning from mostly grey to very grey.

I got into a frozen yoghurt shop, and got myself a slice of carrot cake and a small coffee.

Just what I needed.

I got up to return the plates, and asked the girl behind the counter how old she was.

She said: eighteen.

I said: done with school?

She raised a hand to indicate yes, and I thought to myself how many challenges she must still face.

How many challenges we all have to face.

I was glad I made sure not to capture her in the photo I made earlier.



Friday, November 10, 2023

Nahariya Then and Now

Copilot in Windows says about Nahariya: 
Nahariya: A Charming Coastal City in Northern Israel 
If you are looking for a relaxing and scenic destination in Israel, you might want to consider Nahariya, the northernmost coastal city in the country. Nahariya has a lot to offer to visitors, from its beautiful beaches and boulevards, to its rich history and culture, to its vibrant nightlife and cuisine. 

I say about Nahariya: 
At the beginning of this past summer we lived in Kfar Vradim, and we knew that we were going to move to Ma'alot, which is pretty close. What we didn't know was that we would have to change our movers, and that the seller would not give us our house on time, and thus we would spend three weeks in limbo. It was my idea that four nights of these three weeks we would spend in Nahariya. 
It's not an obvious thought, because Nahariya is less than half an hour away, so if one is already going to spend money on hotels, why this close. But I'm not sorry about it. Not even a little bit. We had a great time. The beaches were lovely. The food was great. The weather was terrible. Hot and humid, but that's just the way it is in Israel in August. 

Copilot in Windows says about food in Nahariya: 
Nahariya is a great place to sample some of the best food in Israel, especially if you love seafood. The city is famous for its fresh fish and seafood dishes, such as grilled sea bass, fried calamari, or shrimp in garlic sauce. You can also try some of the local specialties, such as Nahariya sausage, which is made from beef and lamb and spiced with paprika and garlic, or Strauss dairy products, which have been produced in Nahariya since 1936. For dessert, you can indulge in some ice cream or pastries from one of the many bakeries and cafes in town. 

I say about food in Nahariya: 
We didn't have any of the things mentioned above. The bit about the seafood is mostly bogus. If you want seafood, you should go to Acco (Acre) , which is about 10 kilometers south of Nahariya. We had great Kosher humus. They open at 8 AM. If you are like me, and you can't sleep past 4:30 AM in the summer, because it's too hot, you can walk to the train station, and they offer really cheap fresh sandwiches. Nothing like an omelet with hot sauce this early in the morning. 
Of course, the trains do not work on Saturday in this country, and neither does this sandwich stand. 
Up until a year ago, Nahariya featured the oldest restaurant in Israel, it was a great Austro Hungarian cafe that existed for 82 years, but they closed just a year ago. 
Instead we usually go for lunch or early dinner to Alexander local diner. They serve great beef sandwiches, pasta with ragu sauce, tofu stir fry, pizza, and fish and chips. So the menu is a little eclectic, but there is something for everyone in our little family. Normally it is open on all the days of the week. 

Copilot in Windows says about Nahariya in August and now: 
??? 

I say about Nahariya in August and now: 
Nahariya in August was hot and lively. 
Nahariya now is cool and depressed. 
Almost all of the stores are closed. 
Almost no people on the main street. 
Alexander was closed. 
I hope they are only closed on Saturday now, and not on all the days of the week.

Sunday, October 29, 2023

Jewish Alzheimer's



A photo of the Ontario Science Center and Totonto, from Google Maps

“First Thoughts are the everyday thoughts. Everyone has those. Second Thoughts are the thoughts you think about the way you think. People who enjoy thinking have those. Third Thoughts are thoughts that watch the world and think all by themselves. They’re rare, and often troublesome. Listening to them is part of witchcraft.”
Terry Pratchett, A Hat Full of Sky

As I was sitting down to write this story, if it should even be called a story. I opened a new file, I named it, and then I went to Google 'Jewish Alzheimer'. I couldn't find anything, neither in Hebrew, nor in English. I mean I did find quite a few things, but not what I was looking for.
What I was looking for, is that I remembered that there was something called 'Jewish Altheimer's', where you can't remeber your friends, only your enemies. In my mind, this could be because your friends might be relatively new, after all we only moved here slightly more than two months ago, whereas your enemies, maybe enemies is not a good word, certainly not at a time of war, so maybe your rivals, the ones you like to argue with, usually have been following you for quite a while.
And one should also ask how this whole story with the Jewish Alzheimer's relates to the first, second and third thoughts. If you are trying to remember something, then the fact that you are trying to remember it means that you had a first fleeting thought, or rather the forgetfulness is the first thought, and the remembering is the second thought?
Be that as it may, these days I find myself recalling my high school days in Canada. The high school itself was in Montreal, but I'm thinking also, maybe even mostly, about Toronto. Somehow, Montreal has a lot more style, but Toronto, though my French is fairly decent, is a lot more practical.
I remember we went one weekend, maybe as early as 1985, to my mom's friend ZH (I'm not sure that the correct description is 'my mom's friend', maybe I should say that ZH's mom was a friend of my grandmother's) in Toronto. I remember her young kids were very much afraid of flies, and how I, I think I was at the beginning of the 10th grade at the time, a fairly big and bungling adolescent, had to chase for a whole hour after one fly, because her younger son was afraid of it. I think I never managed to catch it, but eventually it ran away.
I also remember how ZH was going on and on about how clean Toronto was, She said she was walking in the Haifa central bus station (at the time it used to be the one in Bat Galim, now it's just a deserted concrete giant, and there are two other central stations), and she stepped in a huge pile of sunflower seed peels, whereas here, in Toronto, everything is so clean and tidy. My mom was really annoyed by this story, but I think she managed to hide it, which is not typical.
Then in the school in Montreal I was very straightforward. To this very day I like to recount how during my first lesson at the school, a Canadian Geography lesson, and really Canada has a lot of geography, and a little history, as I used to joke with my sister, the teacher was talking about density of population. At the time the density of population in Canada was one person, or maybe two people per square mile. The teacher, an aging hippie, who was made fun of by the students because he smoked like a chimney, and thought all the students were Capitalist Pigs, asked me what was the density of population in Israel. I told him that I thought it was about 150 people per square kilometer, and it should be more per square mile. He yelled at me that it should be less, and then I told him that it should be more. After some time I gave it up, which is not typical, but at the end of the lesson I went to the board, and I drew a square kilometer on it, and I told him that this had 150 people, and then I drew a square mile around it and I said that there are the more people.
I used to like math classes. I was pretty good, and I liked to argue with everyone during the lessons. I would simply say to people: 'you're wrong.' I was not alway right, sometimes I was wrong, but that's what I used to do.
I would also tell everyone that they should make Aliyah to Israel. That Israel was the only place for the Jewish people. I don't think I convinced anyone, but I certainly made them laugh!
In our yearbook in Canada, which is not how it is done here, each one of us could write our own personal message. We got a quarter of a stencil paper, with 160 marked blank character spaces, and we were supposed to fill it in. I remember the message that my friend J wrote to me: 'eh hello, eh you're wrong, eh goodbye' the 'eh' was his way of making fun of my Israeli accent, or rather of my Israeli prosody.
At the end of grade 10, I made it to the finals of the Bible Contest in Canada. The finals were in Toronto, and on the way to Toronto, with the bus, we stopped at the Ontario Science Center, which in a typical Torontonian way is not really in Toronto, but its address still says Toronto. It's a wonderful place. To this day I want to go back there. To this day I think my life could be a lot simpler if I were a Toronto Hebrew teacher, and I can also teach how to read the Torah, than to be an English teacher here in Ma'alot Tarshicha. But these are just my first thoughts.
My second thoughts are that I'm not willing to give up yet.

View from my balcony, my photo

Monday, October 16, 2023

Thoughts While Playing Tennis With My Son Who Prefers to be Called Yeti

I took this picture next to the gate of the Tennis center

THEY SAY THAT the prospect of being hanged in the morning concentrates a man’s mind wonderfully; unfortunately, what the mind inevitably concentrates on is that, in the morning, it will be in a body that is going to be hanged.

Pratchett, Terry. Going Postal: A Novel of Discworld (p. 13). HarperCollins. Kindle Edition.


Last Wednesday, October 11th, was my 53rd birthday. Around 2:30 PM I took my son who prefers to be called Yeti, and we went to play Tennis in the Ma'alot Tennis center, which is a five minute car ride from where we live.

Here are a few thoughts I had while playing:

I wonder if the bank will approve my loan. My wife said they probably will, but it's alread 2:30, and for one time only, because of The Situation they are open until 3, but they didn't call until now. it could be funny if they called now, while I'm playing here with Yeti, and I won't be able to hear them.

Last time we played for 25 minutes, so this time we should play for at least 30 minutes. I'll leave the phone on this bench, and I hope I will guess right.

I wonder if there will be a siren because of rockets, So far there was no siren. If there is going to be one, how long do we have anyway? We are only about ten miles from the Lebanese border, how long does it take a rocket to traverse 10 miles? Where should we run to? I think it makes sense to run to the 'Patissier Cafe' that is really close, but they are closed, and I don't know where we should hide. Oh, probably next to the southern wall.

The kids from the Tennis school will probably not come by today. This is a good thing, because Yeti does not like to practice next to  other children, he is shy that way.

He really improved, we already got to a streak of three strokes.

Oh, I didn't teach him anything about the Backhand stroke. Now is probably not the right time for that, it will only stress him out more.

I wonder if there will be a siren because of rockets, So far there was no siren. If there is going to be one, how long do we have anyway? We are only about ten miles from the Lebanese border, how long does it take a rocket to traverse 10 miles? Where should we run to? I think it makes sense to run to the 'Patissier Cafe' that is really close, but they are closed, and I don't know where we should hide. Oh, probably next to the southern wall.

I can't believe no one fron the Tennis school showed up. This is such a nice Tennis court, not at all like the one we used to play on during COVID times in Be'er Sheva in the South. There we had to go through the fence, and I once completely ripped my shirt.

Well, enough strokes on the court, we need to go practice at the wall.

I can't believe he hit it so high. Now he needs to go all the way around. 

Luckily there was no alarm while he went to bring it from all the way around.

We must have played enough. Oh, it was exactly 30 minutes.

The bank never called. My loan must not have been approved.



This picture I also took next to the gate of the Tennis center

Thursday, September 28, 2023

New Blog


Hi,
This is my new northern Israeli English blog.
My name is Uri Meir and I am a teacher at Ort Ma'alot.
In my spare time I am a writer and a publisher.
Hope to write more soon...

The Shtibl and the Cathedral - My Portnoy Complaints

This series of posts refers to an article written by Jonathan Jones in The Guardian. The original article can be found here:  https://www.th...